I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
