Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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