the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
