I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
