yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
