Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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