If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
