So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
