There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
