I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
