If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
