Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
