Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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