Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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