you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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