Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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