I think my vagina is haunted
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
