it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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