saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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