The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
