Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
