Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
