I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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