It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
