It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
