I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
