it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you win again, gameday.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
