dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
