I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
