piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
