Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
