May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
