yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
