So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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