rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
