Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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