i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
