he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
