i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
love makes seman taste better
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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