Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
