I CAN MOONWALK!
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
