After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
