Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
