i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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