you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
