Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
