Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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