she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
