i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
