I looked at my own cervix.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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