he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
