it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
