Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
