just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
