If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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