Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
It was confusing and full of hummus
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
